Sasuke's Story
by SunaOkami
Summary: YOU MUST READ! DO IT OR HAKU WILL TREAT YOU LIKE HE DOES GAARA! AND IF YOU WANNA KNOW HOW THAT IS, YOU MUST READ THIS!
1. Emology

_Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Naruto Shippuden, Skittles, Discovery Channel, The Hustle, Dragostea Din Tei, FanFiction, Girls Gone Wild, Captain Morgan, GameStop, SSX, The Hot bf quote in chapter 9, The Kazekage's nickname in chapter 6, Blue's Clues, Wendy's, Twinkies, The Emo Kid Song, My Little Pony, or the Gorillaz._

* * *

"Itachi," Sasuke began as he met up with his brother one day, "I'm going to-"

"Kill me. Yeah, I've heard it a million times," Itachi finished.

"No, I'm going to sing a song."

"Not the Emo Kid Song!"

"No, never again. I've got a song stuck in my head. I am going to sing it to you, to get it out of my system. Some call it "The Miya Hee" song. Most call it "The Numa Numa."

"You mean Dragostea Din Tei?" Itachi asked disturbed. It means "Love From The Linden Trees". A LOVE song.

Sasuke sings the song the whole way through.

"Can you tell I had coffee for milk and sugar for cereal today?"

"Yes, FOOL, and you sicken me!"

"Watchutalkin' 'bout, Itachi?" said Sasuke, looking as dumb as ever.

"That's a Romanian love song! I know it's not that bad that you love your brother, but you HATE me, and that's a song you should sing to that Sakura chick!" Itachi hissed.

"You speak Romanian?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah, it was a course I had to take to become an Akatsuki member..."

_(flashback-Itachi and other members of the group need to take a foreign language, and chose Romanian...)_

_"Okay class, get out your notebooks! Today, we're taking notes on Romanian greetings," Pein began. Tobi raised his hand. "Tobi, you're not supposed to be here until Sasori's dead!"_

_"Omigod! Sasori, don't die!" Deidara cried like a little girl._

_"Stupid transvestite," Sasori murmered._

_"I'm just taking a class so I'm ready to join whenever, and I've got an important question!" Tobi whined._

_"What is it?" the leader asked._

_"...When do we get to sing and dance to the Numa Numa Song?"_

_"What a retard," Itachi whispered to Kisame._

_"I'm hungry, what did you bring for lunch today?"_

_"Something good, Kisame," Itachi snickered._

_"Can I have some??"_

_"Darn it, Kisame, everytime I say yes, you always end up eating it all. However, you can have my lunch today."_

_"Yays! What is it, Itachi??"_

_"Fish, now back off, Jaws!"_

_"How dare you!" (pushes Itachi into Tobi, who randomly catches on fire)_

_"I can fix that!" yelled Kisame._

_"Hurry and use your water jutsu!!" Tobi screamed bloody murder._

_"No time, plus I really gotta go..." (unzips fly)_

_"AAAAAHHHHH!" Tobi screached._

_(end flashback)_

"Ah, good times at Akatsuki High," Itachi laughed.

"That was the dumbest story I've ever heard! Remind me to urinate on your shark friend so he knows what it feels like!" Sasuke said.

"You know what it feels like?" Itachi burst out in uncontrollable laughter. "ROTFL!!"

"Just kidding, Itachi! Nobody ever urinated on me, especially not Naruto when he beat me in a match yesterday!"

"Hahaha...(dying laughter)...Oh, Sasuke. Anyway, I think you should take up a foreign language class."

"Or better yet, I shall teach guys my age in Konoha the world of Emology!" Sasuke squealed, delighted.

"I don't like where this is going, so I'm just gonna go get my AHS yearbook and go see Kisame..." Itachi said slowly and ran off.

"As of tomorrow, Emology begins! Class is in session! Well, not until tomorrow really. I'm gonna go see if Sakura baked me some cookies. She's not a looker, but she sure can cook," Sasuke said as he walked home. Scratch that-Skipped merrily home.

That night he had dreams about riding an evil winged unicorn through the village, terrorizing everyone and everything in sight. The unicorn's butt was branded, and it said, "My Emo Pony," with a bleeding heart under it, not that you care about any of this crap.


	2. Party

Soon enough, the academy in Konoha was set up for Sasuke's class of emology. The class was full and Sasuke was ready to start his career as a teacher. Sasuke was beginning to take attendance.

"Loser?"

"Shut up," said Naruto.

"Annoying fangirls?"

"Here, Sasuke-Sensei!!" Sakura and Ino piped up.

"Haku-Wait, Haku?!"

"Hiiiiiiiiii!" yelled Haku.

"What are you doing here?!" Sasuke screamed in shock.

"Ever heard of a foreign exchange student? DUH!" said Haku.

"But you're supposed to be dead!"

"I was revived."

"By who?"

"A fan. Who doesn't love me?" Haku smiled.

"Okay...So why are you here?"

"I ran out of Captain Morg! So I got more here."

"Captain...Morg? Morgan? Are you drunk?"

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Where's Momo-San?"

"Uh, Momo-San?"

"When will this class even start?!" Naruto yelled.

"Yeah, yeah."

So, class was in session.

"So does anybody here know what an emo is?" Sasuke asked the class.

Sakura raised her hand. "Is it you, Sasuke?"

"Yes, but can anyone explain it more?"

Naruto raised his hand. "Ooh, ooh, sissy depressed black-and-eyeliner-wearing, crying, wrist cutting pansies who wear tight pants and talk about how they hate life?"

"...Yes." --"

Later on, class was dismissed.

"Hey, Emo-Sensei, I hear there's gonna be a costume party at the Kazekage's Mansion in the Hidden Sand tonight. You going?" asked Naruto.

"Sure, why not? I'll need someone to make me a costume with an original idea. I don't wanna look like anyone else."

"I'll make you a costume, Sasuke!" Sakura squealed. And Ino and Haku can help."

"I wanna choose what the costume will be!" Yelled Haku.

"Okay. Meet you later," said Sasuke.

Later...

"Got my costume, guys?"

"Yes, but Haku kind of came up with a weird idea," said Sakura.

"And he threatened to kill us if we didn't go along with it," said Ino.

"Here it is!" said Haku.

"Omigod!!"


	3. Macaroni Night

Sasuke stared at what lied before him. Naruto was wearing an orange hoodie with fox ears. Sakura and Ino were geishas in pink and yellow kimonos. But the costume for Sasuke, was, well, it was a giant peanut. And what's worse, Haku was in a pink thong. Sasuke couldn't bear to be seen at the party dressed like a nut with a girly boy in barely anything. He would die.

"Ha-Haku...??" Sasuke shuddered.

Sasuke reluctantly put on the costume as Naruto snickered. They got to the Kazekage's Mansion quickly and knocked on the door. The Sand siblings answered. Gaara was in a black suit and tie. Kankuro was dressed as a cat. Temari had a shirt on that ironically said," SHIKA'S _BIGGEST_ _FAN GIRL_". They stared at Sasuke and Haku, trying to hold in the laughter.

"I want to kill myself," said Sasuke.

"No emo talk out of class," said Naruto.

"Hiii!!" Shrieked Haku.

As if they were out of their mind, the siblings let them in. Sakura and Ino took out a bottle.

"Hey, Sasuke, want to play Seven Minutes in Heaven?" asked Sakura, sweetly.

"How does it work?"

"You spin the bottle and whoever it points to, you go in the closet with for seven minutes," answered Ino.

"I wanna play!" said Naruto.

"Well, I don't know..."

"I'll go! said Haku." He spun the bottle and it gradually slowed to a halt. It pointed to no one playing, rather to Gaara, who was across the room getting something to drink. Haku pointed at him with a wavering hand and a frown on his face.

"You! Get over here!" he yelled. When Gaara payed him no heed, he grabbed him and dragged him over to the closet of the room. When he tugged on Gaara, his head would shove into his bare rear end. The closet was shut and everyone in the room stared at the its doors.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Seven minutes later, it opened. Gaara crawled out, traumatized. Haku skipped out, looking satisfied.

"No, I don't ever wanna play that game!" said Sasuke, crying from fear.

"E-mo!" said Naruto, handing Sasuke a hanky.

"Gaara! Are you okay?! You weren't- " screamed Temari.

"I'll get you a restraining order!" Kankuro ran out, panicked.

Gaara passed out on the floor.

"Get out!" Temari hissed at Sasuke and the gang, with a scowl on her face.

"No way! I came here ta party, 'yall, and I ain't leavin' 'til I get krunk and pimpin', ya dig, shortie dawg homie foshizzle?" said Naruto.

Temari drew her fan.

"Okay, we're out!" he said, changing his mind.

That night, in Konoha, there was a public dinner event in the academy mess hall. It was macaroni night...

"I can't eat this dirty American food!" yelled Neji, in his pissed voice.

"But, Neji, I think it's Italian." said Tenten.

"How dare you question a genius! It's American because it was destined to be imported American crap!"

"Neji, it _is_ Italian," said Lee.

"Fine, it's 'Italian'. If it will get you two to shut your mouths."

"Neji, it is Italian," said Tenten, finding it written in a book.

"Oh...I knew that fat Italian plumber was up to something! I'll kill him for trying to poison me!"

"But that guy's a fictional video game character from Japan," said Lee.

"All the easier to hunt him down and tear him limb from limb!! Mwahahahahahaha!!"

"Um..._FICTIONAL CHARACTER_," Lee repeated.

"Well, this is a fan fiction, so I can find him. Ha! You lose again, Lee!"

"Neji! shut up and eat your pasta!" Guy yelled.

"Yes, Sensei..." Neji said reluctantly.

"Aw, I can't eat!" cried Haku.

"Well, why don't you try taking your mask off," said Sasuke.

"Let me think about that...NO!" Haku shoved his mask covered face in the plate of macaroni, smearing cheese everywhere as he rubbed it around.

"I don't feel like eating anymore," said Sasuke.

Haku shoved Sasuke's face in his plate.

"My hair! My face! My beautiful features!!"


	4. Battle Royale

The next day, Sasuke woke up to the peaceful sound of birds chirping. He he turned over and slowly opened his eyes, only to find Haku sleeping next to him.

"What are you doing here?!"

"I don't have a bed, or even a place to stay here. Can we eat waffles now?"

"NO! Now get ready for class today."

"Okay. I have a question."

"Huh?"

"When do we get to sing and dance to the Numa Numa Song?"

"Go bother someone else."

"Okay, I'll find Momo-San."

Haku walked to the front door and opened it. He found a scroll on the ground and picked it up.

"Hey! A waffle!"

"Kids. Underage drinking is wrong. Don't do drugs and alcohol. Now give me that, Haku!"

"No! It's my breakfast!"

Sasuke pulled the saliva-coated scroll away and opened it.

"...A battle royale? Hosted by...Itachi Uchiha! Yes! I'll defeat my opponents and kill Itachi!!"

"Yay! Will they be serving waffles?"

"Well, I'll be serving knuckle sandwiches and fruit punch."

"Yay! I'm hungry!"

"I mean I'll be beating everyone up!"

They met up with numerous shinobi at the Chunin Exam Peliminary Tower. Sasuke was ready to hurt some people.

"Break a leg, Haku," said Sasuke.

"Thanks!"

"No, really, break one."

"AW!"

The lights turned off. The big screen in the room turned on, and on it was Itachi.

"Hello, everyone. All of you are here to participate in a battle royale. Winner fights me. Remember, this is a no-holds-barred, everyone-against-everyone match that can go to the death. Let us begin."

"Hi, mom!" said Kisame from behind Itachi.

"Itachi! I'll accept your challenge!" hollered Sasuke.

The lights turned back on, but dimmed. Dance music turned on as well. Haku started to do the Hustle. Sasuke slapped him and the royale began."

Sasuke took out a number of ninja right away. Haku stood there, and whenever someone attacked, he protected himself with ice.

"Get in the game, Haku!" Sasuke yelled.

"I need to get my game face on." Haku put on his mask. He ran and tripped over a speck of dirt on the ground.

"Ooh, I see little birdies and a bright light at the end of a dark tunnel!"

"All of you shall fall! The winner will obviously be Naruto, and when he fights me, I will capture him! Hehehehehehe..." laughed Itachi. He leaned over and fell through the screen.

Naruto was at his house eating ramen, and he sneezed. "Is someone talking about me?"

"My limbs! They're all broken and I think I broke a nail! My pedicure!!" screamed Itachi.

"Itachi!!" Sasuke pounced on him and began to pull his hair. Itachi spat in his face and they rolled on the floor, havng a sissy fight.

After all was said and done, twenty ninja were dead, fifty were hospitalized, Haku was on the ground drooling, and Sasuke's head was decapitated.

"That's it, Itachi! I don't know how I'm still alive, but I'm gonna make you feel the pain of Cursed Mark Head Sasuke!!"

Itachi stood there picking his nose. Sasuke's nose began to run. Nothing was going on.

"Darn it! I'm having writer's block!" said Haku.

"What are you writing about?" asked Sasuke.

"A battle royale."

"Do I win?"

"I don't know, I have writer's block! Here, read it so far."

"Haku...Nobody else has read this, right?"

"Nobody I know of."

"Good."

"Just a bunch of authors on FanFiction."

"I hate you."

"I hate you too. But I love tacos!!"


	5. Discovery Channel

The next day in Konoha, Haku got hungry at Sasuke's house.

"Sasuke, I'm hungry and all you have is rice balls! I need _real_ food! Like Skittles!"

"Skittles?"

"Taste the frickin' rainbow!! Skittles! Skittles! Haku wants Skittles, Saskittles! You're new name's Saskittles!!"

"No way. Hey Haku, what are you holding?"

"A DVD."

"About what?"

"Um...I think it's Discovery Channel."

"Okay. Let's watch it, I'm bored."

Haku popped in the DVD. It sure wasn't Discovery Channel.

"OMG Haku!! Where'd you get this?!"

"That one guy's house. I think his name's Jeremiah, er, Jerryia, or Diarrhea..."

"Jiraiya? I bet. Oh well, I'm bored. Let's watch it anyway."

Later, Iruka came over...

"Hello, boys. What are you watching-Oh Lord!!"

"Haku's DVD, Sensei," said Sasuke.

"It's Discovery Channel," said Haku.

"That's Girls Gone Freakin' Wild!! (gasps, temporarily faints) Well, anyways, I came to bring this package to you perverts. I'm out of here."

"I wonder what's in the box," said Sasuke.

"Cherry sorbet?" said Haku.

Sasuke pulled the tape off the small cardboard box. Suddenly, it popped open by itself.

"OMFGWTFWTHOMGOMGWTF!!" cursed Sasuke.

"Yay! Sorbet!" yelled Haku.

**What could have possibly been in the box? How did it make Sasuke scream? Is it really cherry sorbet? Find out by tuning in to the next exciting chapter of Sasuke's Story!**


	6. Sharklover64

Sasuke fell over on the floor in shock, twitching. What came out of the little box? Rock Lee.

"B-b-but...How? Why?!" Sasuke cried.

"It's time to train!" Yelled Lee.

"Yay sorbet!" Haku began to suck on Lee's head. He pushed him off an did a pose.

"You in, Sasuke?"

"Just let me get my inhaler..."

Later, by the Village Gate...

"Okay, everyone, let's do this!" Lee said with excitement. Sasuke, Haku, Naruto, Neji, Sakura, Tenten, and Shikamaru stared blankly at the fence he was pointing at.

"All you have to do is jump over that fence. Easy enough, right? Haku, you're up."

"WEEEE!!" Haku ran straight into the fence and got a concussion.

"Okay...Sasuke?" said Lee.

"Heh." Sasuke got his coolness back and ran lightning fast. He made it over the fence, but his sandal got caught on the top and he tripped, causing an earthquake.

"OMG Sasuke!" screamed Sakura. Naruto was rotfl.

"Wow, Sasuke! Lay off the Twinkies!" laughed Naruto.

"Ow," murmered Sasuke.

That night, Sasuke went to go chat online.

Emokillsweasel: omg somebody help! my life's spiralling down!!

QB9tail: sasuke?

Emokillsweasel: sup who dis

QB9tail: 'tachi :-)

Emokillsweasel: i'll kill u

QB9tail: o com on. u really think its itachi? lol

Emokillsweasel: is dat a trick question?

Icychillpenguinomanbeast: i pwn

QB9tail: lol morons

Emokillsweasel: haku? dat u

x4xTxhxExKxaxZxexKxaxGxexTxoxDxdxMxaxNx: im dead lol

QB9tail: wtf dude random

Sharklover64: hey whos posing as me? poser!!

Emokillsweasel: itachi?

Sharklover64: ...no

Emokillsweasel: dats it im logging off c ya

Icychillpenguinomanbeast: sasuke get me some waffles in da freezer

Emokillsweasel: fu

Icychillpenguinomanbeast: thnx luv ya xoxoxo

QB9tail: sasugay sux!!

The next day, Sasuke woke up and looked at his planner.

"Let's see. Today...

7:00-breakfast

7:30-train

8:00-take haku 2 da zoo :3

What? Haku, I thought I told you not to scribble in my planner!"

"But I'm an artist and I ran out of paper for drawing! Anyways, today is zoo day! I wanna see the gorillas!"

"The Gorillaz are gonna be there? I love them! In that case...Oh wait, you're talking about the frickin' monkeys. Then no."

"But you promised! It says you'd take me in your planner!"

"No."

"I heard Itachi got a part-time job there workiing as a guy in a monkey suit."

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go to the zoo!"


	7. Salsa

So, Sasuke decided to take a bus to the zoo with Haku. He brought his laptop with so he could chat again...

Emokillsweasel: hey i cant talk long im taking "icychillpenguinomanbeast" to da zoo

QB9tail: how long will u last??

Emokillsweasel: idk prolly not long

QB9tail: lol sux 4 u

Weasellover85: n00bs

QB9tail: omg wtf

Emokillsweasel: g2g ttyl

QB9tail: k bye

QB9tail: Emokillsweasel is stoopid

CherryGirl15: NARUTO UR DEAD!!

QB9tail: o sry sakura i ddnt meen it!

After Sasuke closed the laptop, he heard complaints throughout the bus. It was because Haku had created ice on one of the poles to hold on to in it, and he stuck his tongue to the surface.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" yelled Haku.

"Next stop, the zoo," said the bus driver.

"Guess we're gonna have to ride again after we get to the hospital," muttered Sasuke to Haku.

"Yay I get a lollipop and sticker!" squealed Haku.

After their trip to the hospital, they caught another bus to the Konoha Zoo. Haku ran in and tried to get past the people that give you your tickets. The Jonin guards caught him, and while Sasuke payed, they checked Haku's frilly pink Hello Kitty backpack. Inside was needles, a bunny, and beer. They didn't let him through. He sobered up, then killed them. :)

He got drunk again and met up with Sasuke, who was looking for the gorilla exhibit. When he found it, he saw someone dressed as an ape and started to beat them up. It wasn't Itachi.

"What are you doing, kid?!" yelled Zabuza as he took off the monkey mask.

"Momo!!" yelled Haku.

"Momo...Momochi? Zabuza?" said Sasuke, confused.

"I brought him back with the guards as a sacrifice," said Haku with a smile.

"But you said it was Itachi!"

"I lied because I needed you to pay for my ticket."

"You don't have money?"

"No, I do. I just don't want to spend it 'cause it's mine."

Haku dragged Zabuza and Itachi's emo little brother to the gorilla cage. There was a sign that said:

Don't put your hands through the bars

Don't feed the gorillas

Don't touch the gorillas

"Peeshaw," said Sasuke. "I'm so scared."

"Go on, Sasuke! Put your hand in!"

"Sure, I'm not gonna die. What's the worst that could happen?"

"No, kid. Don't be a rebel," said Zabuza.

"Oh, come on. It's not like it's gonna rip my-AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"Yay salsa!" said Haku as he neared his box of nachos towards Sasuke.

"MY AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMM!!"


	8. SSX: Naruto Style

Sasuke was taken to the Akatsuki HQ so Kakuzu could sew his arm back on. Itachi came into the room he was resting in and he was holding flowers.

"Itachi, get lost before I kill you."

"You're so unforgiving, foolish little brother!!" Itachi ran off crying.

A few days later, Sasuke recovered. He was taking a walk, one of his favorite hobbies, and saw a flyer for a competition. He was ready to win it.

He got to it on time and found many locals as well as foreigners there.

"Hey, Sasuke!" hollered Naruto.

"Yeah, loser?"

"I thought you were too cool for skateboarding."

"Skateboarding?"

"What, you didn't read the whole flyer?"

"It's okay. You can borrow my board your turn. You'll be fine as long as you can skateboard."

"Heheh...Right..."

Inner Sasuke: DARN! I DON'T KNOW HOW! AND I ALREADY SIGNED UP!!

Inner Sakura: I didn't know you existed...

Inner Sasuke: Shut up! I'm pissed! GGRRRRRRR!!

Inner Sakura: Me-ow...(woot)

Sasuke's turn was up. He got on the board and as he went down the ramp, he crashed. It was rumored a pebble got caught in a wheel, but odds are he fell on his own.

"Dang Sasuke, that's gonna cost you points," laughed Naruto.

"Don't count me out yet," said Sasuke. "Uchihas never lose! Unless it's one against another and especially if it's me verses Itachi in rock-paper-scissors..."

Sasuke planted radio-controlled paper bombs under the remaining competition's boards. When Lee was up, he went down the ramp and up the other side (when Sasuke activated the bomb by pushing a button), and he shot straight into the air towards the sun.

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWW!!"

When everyone else went and flew, the results were in. Even if somebody else won the prize, they couldn't claim it, since Sasuke made them all fly far away.

"The winner is..." started the judge.

"Me!" squealed Sasuke.

"No, I saw you cheat."

"Then who wins?!"

"Uh...That guy...Or lady over there."

He pointed to Haku, who was eating nachos, which he dropped when he saw the man point.

"Hey, don't give me the finger!" yelled Haku.

"I didn't."

"He wasn't even in the competition!!"

"Oh well. Here's your money prize."

"Yay!" Haku ate all one trillion ryo.

"Haku, you dolt! Why'd you eat the money?!" screamed Sasuke.

"Money? I thought he said macaroni."

"I'll dissect you!!"

After Sasuke cut Haku open and they visited Kakuzu yet again, Sasuke took his blood-stained cash to GameStop.

"That Itachi's a studmuffin," said Haku, holding the flowers Sasuke had rejected from him, which were later given to Haku instead.

"Hm. What should we get?"

"OOH! SSX: NS! A SNOW-boarding game!" squealed Haku when he thought of snow. The game's cover was of an orange snowboard.

"Okay."

Sasuke bought the game, and they popped it into his console at home. In the game, there were no SSX characters, rather Naruto ones.

"Whoa," said Sasuke. "Who's that good-looking guy?" he continued pointing to a cute raven-haired boy.

"I don't know, Sasuke. I think he looks kind of ugly," said Haku.

"That's you, stupid. I was talking about me."

Sasuke played a mission mode. The mission was to get down the hill with everything intact. He played as himself, and after jumping off a ramp, he did some tricks, including the Phoenix Flower Jutsu.

MISSION FAILED

"WTF?! I'm fine! I made it down the hill without even getting hurt! Everything's intact!!"

"I think they meant the hill has to stay intact too, 'cause you melted it," said Haku.

The next day, Haku would take some sips of his favorite drink

(refer to chapter 2).


	9. Wanted: Wendy's Girl

Somewhere, in the Kazekage's Mansion, Gaara had actually fallen asleep. He was very tired with all the work that had to be done before he could be the fifth Kazekage. Shukaku thought, screw it, the kid can sleep tonight.

Just then, a hammer flew through the window. Gaara was sleeping like a log. An intoxicated Haku slipped in, and saw him.

"I knew it! I knew they had Twinkies here!" Haku jumped onto Gaara's bed and began chewing on his head.

The next morning, Gaara woke up early.

"WTF Why am I covered in bite marks and drool? Kankuro, quit praticing your hickeys on me!!"

Anyway, back in Konoha...

"Haku, is this what I think it is?" asked Sasuke, pointing at some soggy brown stuff on his kitchen table.

"Yes!" (slap) "It's ch-chocolate, meanie-face!!"

"Oh...Well, I'm going to a rave tonight. Everyone from everywhere is going. But you're not invited."

"Oh. Okay Sasuke, that's cool. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine...Alone..."

"Why don't you go find Zabuza?"

"Ever since I started taking his booze, he said I was a drunken moron."

"Yeah...So...I'm gonna go buy glow sticks. Want some?"

"Yeah! Get me the pink!! I'll look so pretty with it on my lips!"

"Uh, it's glow stick, not lipstick."

"I know. I use glow sticks on my lips all the time."

"But Haku, that could ki- Never mind. I'll go get you some."

That night, at the rave...

"This is great, Sasuke! Everyone's having a blast! But I don't see anyone from the Mist," said Sakura.

"Yeah..."

Then, the front door to the club broke down and tons of teens from the Hidden Mist came barging in, helping a fellow uninvited ninja, whose lips were dripping a glowing substance, crash the wild party. Haku immediately began to dance.

"Hey everybody, I'm a hot bf to get down with! Let's bounce!!" he shouted.

The ANBU broke in, serving as cops.

"Shiro Haku, your bouncing days are over. You're under arrest breaking in to a party for underaged drinking."

Haku grabbed a bottle of sake and cracked it against a table. He grabbed...none other than Gaara, and aimed the broken glass at him.

"Hey! Restraining order!!"

"Anybody move and he's dead!!"

"Haku, why are you always doing cruel things to Gaara?" asked Sasuke.

"Shut up! He's my bf!!"

"Yep, that's underaged drinking alright. Take him away, boys," said the ANBU leader.

"No!!" Haku screamed. He swung the bottle towards Gaara's forehead and everyone gasped...But he somehow managed to hit himself in the face. About to go into a coma, Haku quickly ran to the closest window and broke through it, taking Gaara with him.

"Get him! That criminal just got away with the future Kazekage!"

That night, Haku escaped to...Well, behind a rock a few feet away from the club. Gaara tried to get away, but he was squished by Haku's royal fatness...Soon, however, the ANBU thought Gaara would escape Haku's clutches after a while, so they gave up looking for them.

The next day, Haku and Sasuke became bored, so Haku decided they'd play Blue's Clues.

"No way."

"We're playing it or you get the needles!! You're in my house now, Sasuke!"

"Okay! And, no, it's my house."

"You're Steve and I'm Blue."

Sasuke shut his eyes for a moment to calm down. When they reopened, Haku's head was on a spotted blue dog's body, and he was looking up at Sasuke with a frowny puppy face.

"OMG! You're a dog!! And...My shirt is striped!! Where'd my unitard go?!"

After Sasuke calmed down again, he decided theyed be looking for his unitard.

"Okay kids. Will you help me find my unitard? You will? Thanks! Now we need to find a clue. You see one? Where? On the toybox? Aha! Kakashi's mask! It's a clue!"

"I took it!!" Haku squealed like a pig as he jumped out of the toy box, randomly dressed as the Wendy's girl. He ran off with the unitard in his hands, laughing.

"Who just took my unitard? The Wendy's girl? Will you help me track down the Wendy's girl and help me beat her up? Alright, let's go! We aren't looking for Blue's Clues, we aren't looking for Blue's Clues, I'm gonna kill the Wendy's girl, I wonder where she are. I mean is."


End file.
